


Diana Tries Tinder

by HollowClock



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amanda is a good friend and a big idiot, F/F, Light Angst, Misunderstanding, One Shot, Tinder, dating app
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23527672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HollowClock/pseuds/HollowClock
Summary: Diana Cavendish, the current owner and CEO of Cavendish Pharmaceuticals and Health has a small problem, her life love is absolute trash, near none existence and she is not helping herself in any way, that is until her friends, Hannah and Barbara, suggest an alternative method to waiting around..., Tinder.
Relationships: Diana Cavendish/Atsuko "Akko" Kagari
Comments: 14
Kudos: 220





	Diana Tries Tinder

This was very undignified, humiliating even and if she had to lessen her vocabulary, downright pathetic. Diana Cavendish,  _ The _ Diana Cavendish, current head and CEO of Cavendish Pharmaceuticals and Healing was currently lounging atop her pristine satin bed sheets, fretting over a trivial electronic rectangle like a pre-teen with a.., with a crush. The blonde groaned as she tossed herself backwards, form digging into the lush sheets probably ruining them as she fidgeted about still draped in her business attire, a simple figure tight tailor business shirt and skirt, she had not the energy to change after just come off of her duties from work, plus all the ‘good-natured’ pestering from her ‘friends’. She sighed deeply, why was she even letting something so minuscule get to her? She was a highly respected businesswoman, she did not have to take the berating and childish teasing of her friends, she could find a respectable partner in life, after all, she was still quite an attractive.., twenty-nine years of age, with the thirtieth birthday coming up…, plus she was the head of a major pharmaceutical franchise and the sole heir to its fortunes and…, and…, this was the reason she was here in the first place. 

Being part of the high working life usually meant that everyone who tried to worm their way into your heart, was actually trying to dig into your pockets, in addition, most of her suitors had the unfortunate condition of being quite, male, something Diana herself had found was she not

particularly fond of, especially after she was dragged off to see a stage performance of a known singer who went by the moniker ‘Shiny Chariot’ and it was not just the lyrics the heiress found captivating, it was also the legs, the hips and bu.., bus..,. The Blonde threw herself back through the sheets as elicit thoughts that had crept into her cranium sprung forth as if waiting for this moment to tease her about her quite virgin mind.

She sighed, what was she doing? Avoiding the inevitable, she was quite fond of that, but it was indeed inevitable, she had never been brash enough to walk into a gay bar, especially with a face that was plastered everywhere and neither did she want to return to Hannah and Barbara only to face their onslaught of ridicule, so, it seemed she was faced with no other option but to simply dig deep and.., join Tinder.

To say that Diana was not tech-savvy would be a gross simplification of the truth, her humble opinion, it was more she found social media and other social applications to be quiet.., trite and needlessly complex, take this Tinder application for example. The way Hannah and Barbara had explained it to her it was a simple case of downloading it, making a profile and then as Hannah put it ‘left for uglies, right for hotties’, but no, it was much more insidious than that, first it informed her she needed to verify her email, which took her from her emails to their website, which was more or less just the same application as she had on her phone, meaning she could have saved on storage space and second, after creating a ‘tasteful’ profile, she was bombarded with people wanting to match with her, but if she wanted to see these so-called suitors, she would have to pay for the ‘privilege’ to view these people who wanted to get with her, or swipe on the hopes she stumbled across one of them, the whole ordeal almost made Diana give up altogether…, almost.

After paying the application its ransom demand, the blonde gazed upon her would-be admirers, it seemed she was quite popular having received at least thirty or more in her brief time on the app. With a sigh and a glance at her bedside alarm, she decided she would have to start vetting them heavily, otherwise, it would be morning before she sent anyone a simple ‘hello’, the first and obvious choice was to disregard anyone who did not have even have the bare bones of a profile, Diana was not exactly going to waste time with anyone who did not even want to put in the effort to give her simple facts about themselves, same thoughts on anyone who had not checked their spelling until they met face to face, most of their conversations were to be through texts, as such she would not stomach anyone who could not speak like a rational human being, she would not waste her time and effort trying to decipher your cryptograms just to find out you were asking how her day was. With that large block of individuals, dealt with now she could focus on an actual meaningful conversation with other like-minded people, like this Canadian woman who was right in her sights, Avery, she looked…, pleasant enough and a soft ding from the app informing her that the woman had already messaged her, proving that was an assertive type, not a bad thing in Diana’s opinion. 

Now all she had to do was simply open the chat and see what sort of romantic attempt this Avery character had made towards her, in all honesty, Diana felt herself a tingle, not knowing what words were said to her, what romantic gestures wer-   
  
“Hey there you tall drink of water” Oh…, not as romantic as Diana had hoped for and to be quite frank, she was not exactly sure what she was reading at all, tall drink of water? Was this flirting, why would she be compared to water? Perhaps it was saying that she was necessary and valued as water, a bold thought but. The Blond eyed her laptop out of the corner of her view and with the word playing gnawing at her mind, like a riddle she had not the answer to she decided to google... feverishly. ‘A long-legged and attractive woman’ Oh, so much for romance, no, no, Diana you are putting too much thought into this, everyday romance is not like those trashy novels Hannah lends to you, not every word is something that will sweep you off of your feet and carry you down a blissful road, you have to lower your expectations and give this woman a chance.   
  
“Hi there Avery, it’s a pleasure to meet you”   
  
“So, you look like the type who could use some loosening up, where do you wanna stretch~ Ms. Cavendish” NOPE, no, the blonde could not delete that person quick enough, oh boy, her heart raced, that, was an escalation alright, simple flirt to, to, no, no, no. Okay Calm down Diana, reel it in, you have plenty of other people willing to talk to you, get to know you and each of them are  _ very _ diverse, not all of them will be as Barbara put it, thirsty as all hell.   
  
WHY ARE THEY ALL THIRSTY AS ALL HELL! Nearly every recipient she has spoken to for that last half hour has done nothing but make some sort of lecherous comments about her figure, form and bosom. Diana knows she is quite the attractive specimen, but, by the heavens, she was starting to see now why her friends thought every longing stare someone gave her way was someone attempting to ‘strip her with their eyes’ and to be quite frank, the more she holds onto that notion she does consider they actually were too, an uncomfortable shiver climbs up Diana’s spine as that notion rockets into her brain, the considerable possibility that many, her friends included have had, indecent consideration about her form. The blonde found herself pulled from the self-realisation that polls regarding the amount of time an individual thinks about sex might be more accurate than she initially had thought, by the alarming ding of her mobile device. With hesitation, she glances at the screen, Diana sadly can confirm yes, she has received another like from Tinder, does she dare? What if this person is like the rest, could she be willing to put herself through it?   
  
There was a long pause of silence as Diana silently contemplated giving the application one last chance or deleting it forever, maybe it was the silence that did her in, the haunting quiet of her large upmarket apartment that had been vacant of all life outside of her own for so long. She used to have dogs, but they were at her family estate, so getting new pets seemed foolish, but the lack of noise outside wailing sirens really did hammer in as she was sitting on her bed alone, one last chance couldn’t hurt.   
  
Opening the infernal app once more, it's light illuminating her face in the evening shadow, her sapphire eyes shimmered with a hint of crimson as she stared into pixelated red of her latest contact.., Atsuko ‘Akko’ Kagari.

* * *

  
  
How would you define perfect to Amanda, late night, lots of drinks, laying bundled up in your bed sheets letting the ease of sleep slowly glide that hangover off of you like a sexy woman pulling off a tight latex glove, do you know how Amanda would  _ not  _ define perfect, your hyperactive and possibly autistic Japanese roommate leaping into your room screaming at the top of her lungs almost if they had been viciously shanked with a large knife as they violently jostled you awake with her none stop bouncing like your comfy refuge was a trampoline at a fun all the while loudly proclaiming.   
  
“I GOT A DATE, I GOT A DATE, HOLY SHIT AMANDA, I’VE GOT A FUCKING DATE” The brunette cackled like a mad witch that the American  _ really _ wanted to dump boiling water onto so they would melt and she could go back to sleep, but instead settled for the  _ grown-up _ decision of sitting upright and forcefully shoving the annoying brat to the floor.   
  
“AKKO! Do you have any idea what time it is right now!” Amanda groaned in a painful sigh as the weight of her hangover dragged her back down to the bed, the comfy sweet merciful bed that she wanted nothing more than to ravage her with tender penetration of sleep, huh, Amanda might be a little horny… 

Akko groaned, patting her poor and attractive bottom after the vile American shoved her away so cruelly. “It’s two in the evening, you’ve been asleep all day” The Japanese girl informed, before leaping into bed next to the American and snuggling herself up close as she pulled up her phone screen before Amanda’s tired eyes, nearly blinding the girl, whose response to said angry roommate was just a wide childlike grin. “Look! Look! Here she is! Diana Cavendish!” Akko said nearly giggling between each word as giddiness filled her being, while Amanda had to almost do a double-take.    
  
“ _ Pardon? _ ” Amanda enthused placing a small almost french-twist on her pronunciation, “Did you say Diana mother fucking Cavendish?” As in,  _ the _ Diana mother fucking Cavendish?” The gaze Akko returned to her friend made Amanda feel like she had just grown a second head with how baffled she looked, as the American sat up straighter and snatched the Japanese girl’s phone looking over the information as if it was a murder investigation..   
  
“Is her name meant to mean something?” Akko asked, slightly worried now with the seriousness on her roommates face, as she tried to lean over Amanda’s should to get a glance at what exactly her roommate was looking at, before having to nearly catch herself as said friend nearly shoved the screen back into her own face, tapping the blonde girl’s profile picture as she did.   
  
“This woman, right here, is Diana Cavendish?”   
  
“Well that is what it says on her profile, so, I guess?” Akko had no idea where Amanda was going with this, which Amanda could also see as she seemingly reeled back in frustration that either Akko was an idiot or very uneducated about her life in the good ol’ UK.    
  
“Diana Cavendish”   
  
“Yes, why do you keep saying her name!”   
  
“As in, of Cavendish Pharmaceuticals and Healing, as in, the people who make the paracetamol you take like tic-tacs” And with this Akko actually had a thought running through her head.   
  
“Could be a different Diana Cavendish,” Akko told her.   
  
“GAH! SHE HAS BLONDE AND GREEN HAIR!” The American bellowed accusingly, causing their neighbours to bang their walls in response.   
  
“Blonde and green work really well together!” Akko stated as she snatched her phone back from Amanda as she removed herself from said girl's bed. “Wh-what if it is her, what are you getting at?”   
  
“What I am getting at At-su-ko, is that no way a multi-billionaire babe like Diana Cavendish is on fucking tinder looking for a girl with a chest as flat as yours” Amanda stated gesturing to Akko’s ‘humble’ chest. Which she seemed to take well with the death glare she sent the American.   
  
“HEY!, I will have you know my tits are great and I bet Diana would love them!”   
  
“Who told you that, all the girlfriends you’ve never had?” 

The brunette stuck her tongue out furiously rather than trying to dignify Amanda with a response, or more she couldn’t think of a better comeback at this exact moment, deciding better to turn around and leave. “No hold on, don’t be a grump, it’s just”   
  


Akko turned back with a childish pout that immediately told Amanda ‘I’m trying very hard to stay mad at you, but as a good-natured human, I am incapable of holding a grudge’ which earned a brief chuckle only causing the Japanese girl’s pout to inflate further.   
  
“Look, you're my mate, I don’t want to see you get hurt. Okay, sure maybe it is the real Diana who contacted you, even if it is very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very..”   
  
“Weren’t you being nice?”   
  
“..Very, very, very, very unlikely, but there is also a chance it could be a creepy weirdo who wants to get into your panties,” She said with surprisingly, actual genuine concern plastered across her very slappable face. 

“I know Amanda, but that’s what peppers spray is for.” 

The girl laughed as she walked out into the hallway of their shared apartment. “Besides, I already made plans to see her at some fancy-ass restaurant. If I see she’s actually some fat dude in a blonde wig, then I’ll call you, but first, I have to buy a suit I told her I owned, how much do fancy suits cost?”   
  
“Like, one thousand pounds, minimum.”   
  
“FUCK, If it is really her, I hope to get at least a kiss for all my troubles” She whined from her room, going through the many discarded clothes on her bedroom floor to see if she could try and wriggle out of buying a full suit by cobbling one together from leftover clothes that she would HAVE to wash anyway. Meanwhile back in Amanda’s room, the American thought about what had just happened. Akko could usually take care of herself, but maybe Amanda could save her time and prove this was just a fat loser! The American grinned, this was a brilliant idea.

* * *

This was a terrible plan, why did Amanda even consider for the fraction of a second this was anything but an awful, stupid, terrible idea; she should have stopped the second she googled the address, or maybe when she stole Akko’s phone, or her ID, or when she plastered her photo over Akko’s ID so she could get into this, very expensive restaurant, like holy hell, what the fuck. Amanda felt like she was going to be charged money just for getting the cutlery a little dirty. This place was unreal, every wall and surface seemed to have some Victorian naked lady painted in a garden with flying children blowing trumpets out of their asses in pain stacking fine detail, if it weren’t for the many rich uptight assholes in the room, the eyes from the decor was enough to make the American feel like she is being judged for her sinful, sinful actions.

But then again, a small, tiny, stupid voice told her,  _ she could still be right _ , this so-called Diana Cavendish could just be a loathsome fat straight dude with a lot of money, trying to trick dumb pretty Asian girls into.., nope, never mind she can see her, the genuine article, Diana ‘fuck I’m going to die’ Cavendish, and worse she’s coming over, and she looks pissed.   
  
Diana was very excited, she had not stopped thinking about Atsu- Akko, since her conversation with the delightful Japanese girl over Tinder. Besides being one of the few and first people to not make sexual advances towards her right out of the gate, their conversation had been delightful. Akko was...passionate, determined and adorably excitable, just thinking about how the girl described her interest in not only Diana as a person, but her own interest in becoming a musician made Diana’s heart flutter. And this was only from their brief introduction, the girl basically threw herself into the English woman wanting to know next to everything about her, never stopping once to inquire what she did for work, thank the lords, the girl just seemed interested in getting to know her as a person. It had been so long since anyone outside of Hannah and Barbara had been actually interested in Diana’s, well, life, she had almost failed to inquire the poor girl about herself outside of her musical desires, which to be honest, was less Diana enquiring and more a conversational trail that happened after Akko mentioned Shiny Chariot. Diana didn’t know how to explain it, in a conversation she had thought would last less than a minute, nearly went on into the morning and by then they were making plans to see each other hence, well, now.   
  
So to say that Diana was a little more than giddy with excitement to learn that Akko was waiting for her at their reserved table was a bit of an understatement, as the heat swelled in her breast and her legs seemed to dance across the dining floor in an attempt to speed her along to her cute little brunette, dressed in a long trailing dark blue gown that glittered like moonlight, head-turning to her table to.., not find an adorable red-eyed brown-haired Japanese woman, but instead, a red-haired, green-eyed American who seemed to be either nervous or quite fearful, and Diana oh so hoped it was the latter as a toxic cocktail of emotions started to boil inside of her, the one most predominant being betrayal.   
  
“You are certainly not Atsuko Kagari,” Diana snapped, loud enough to cause most tables around to either turn or look at the free entertainment that seemed to be forming at her reserved table, adding more to Amanda’s nerves.   
  
“Y-yeah, well, you are most definitely Diana Cavendish, and oh boy, believe me when I say I have a funny story to tell you” Amanda informed in a downright blonde a pleading look that said ‘please don’t go’, even if it felt like a losing fight, she had oh so fucked up she considered if there was an award she could win for being such a fuck up.   
  
“Oh, believe me, I am quite sure it will be humorous, one you can retell to the waiter on how you thought you could catfish Diana Cavendish by posing as someone who does not resemble you in the slightest!” And with that, Diana was done, twisting herself the full one-eighty as she made her way back to the exit with both heartbreak and humiliation, asking herself how she could have been so foolish. But not without being closely followed by a very apologetic American who was beside themselves with the absolute guilt she felt for putting Diana through her bullshit, along with Akko too, the thoughts of having to explain to her what she did, what she had caused, the thoughts of quite hallways and closed doors were too much for Amanda to bare.   
  
“Wait, please, for fuck sake wait!” Amanda called out as Diana had just made it to the reception desk and was being handed her coat by the receptionist, her blue eyes that Akko had described as sapphires during the Japanese girl’s giddy mood earlier this week, more resembled hardened murder icicles, murcercicles, as they turned their gaze upon her waiting to end her pathetic existence.   
  
“You might as well stay, the food is paid for, might as well enjoy what little of the money you will be getting from me” She curtly informed the American before exiting the establishment into the rigid cold. Despite the late evening the world was very illuminated by the London buildings, large screen projecting advertisements that acted like flood lamps, while people scurried like mice back and forth in front of her, it was a transition for a moment, she’d left the episode behind and it was time to move on, or so she had thought, until a familiar voice called out and she realised she was being followed swiftly by her ‘date’ turned stalker. Turning into the crowd of people and continuing up the street, the chase continued for a few blocks as Diana started to dread not having parked closer, the annoyance of being followed being replaced with slight panic as she turned a corner once more, knowing very well who was right behind her. “Do you want me to scream, Ms Kagari? If that is your name, I am quite sure the police would like to have a few words of you” Diana asked as she stopped dead, facing the American, reading the wallop her with her purse if need be.   
  


“GO AHEAD! Scream! Hit me, do whatever you like to me for next few minutes, just PLEASE, let me explain because if you don’t I will have ruined two peoples fucking night and not just my own!” Amanda begged, trying her best to look as downright miserable and pathetic as she felt in this second, anything to get a multi-billionaire to listen to her, meanwhile, Diana was honestly taking up the option on hitting her, by, unfortunately, rationality crept in.   
  
“You have me at a disadvantage, who else’s night could you ruin outside of our own?”   
  
“Akko’s” Amanda whimpered, seeing it get Diana’s attention more as she let the moment and the information sink in.   
  
“Pardon?”   
  
“Akko is real, she isn’t me and I’m not her! She’s my roommate when she told me she got a date with Diana Cavendish of all people, I honestly thought you were some scumbag trying to catfish, rape, or do something to my friend, so like a fucking idiot… I” Amanda’s knuckles tighten as she thought back, to the moment the idea popped into her head, to the dread setting in, on realising just how much she had indeed, fucked up.   
  
“So hold on, let me see if I have the right of this” Diana straightened, placing her hands together as she took a calming breath. “You doubted who I was, so you pretended to be your friend? H-how did security even let someone so... moronic in, HOW DID YOU GET AT OUR TABLE”   
  
“I kind of, sort of, ‘borrowed’ her Mobile and ID and used it to sneak in” Amanda informed her, as she held out Akko’s driver’s license to Diana who swiftly snatched it to examine, finding a picture of the woman in front of her stuck on causing her to let out a large audible sigh.   
  
“I will be having words with the restaurant staff about their vetting processes after this night,” she informed the void as she handed back the license to Amanda, “Who are you then?”   
  
“O'Neil, ah shi-, Amanda O'Neil, that is… and.., I doubt I have the right to ask you this, but does this mean you will give Akko a chance, please?” Diana’s eyes widened at the plea, but then gave it some thought, she had planned to delete Akko and the app, but seeing as it was truly not the poor Japanese girl’s fault, there was no reason to.   
  
“Well if I see her, I will be sure to inform her that her friend thinks highly of her, even if that friend deserves a good lashing,” Diana remarked coldly.   
  
“Well, you could see her now.”   
  
“Come again?” the British asked, perplexed by the remark.   
  
“Well, Akko’s not exactly a smart cookie, I doubt she even knows her ID is missing, so she might have still arrived, so if we hurry now we co-” Diana snatched Amanda by the wrist and started to make her way furiously back to the restaurant.   
  
“Next time lead with that information, hopefully, she hasn’t been kicked out already”   


* * *

  
  
Akko’s face hurt after she was rudely kicked out by that gorilla of a doorman for not leaving, despite the fact that she had a reservation, even if he told her she had already booked in, despite the fact, she hadn’t because she is herself and she was outside, didn’t need to chuck her so hard, staining her good, somewhat new, outfit. This was turning into a crappy date, made worse that she didn’t get to meet her hot date and she couldn’t even nurse her nasty scraped cheek with some nice cold gin at the bar she had found because her driver license is missing, boo her.   
  
The Japanese girl was considering just leaving and raiding her fridge for pitting ice cream and beer, when the bell above the entrance chimed, well, it wasn’t that, that got her attention, more the ear piercing.   
  
“THERE SHE IS!” turning around in her seat she saw an incredibly red-faced and winded Amanda along with an equally red face and dishevelled blonde, who looked familiar…, oh wait it’s her date.., WHAT IS HER DATE DOING HERE! WHY IS SHE SO PRETTY, WHY IS SHE HOLDING AMANDA’S HAND! Akko pointed back at them, as much as they did there, then to their conjoined hands.   
  
“EXPLAIN!” Akko screamed, only to wince as she recalled the pavement scrap she had, causing the now slightly flustered duo to come over and examine her.   
  
“Yo, the fuck happened to you!” Amanda asked as she took Akko’s face in between her hands and turned it to so she and the beautiful angel Diana could get a better look, earning a swat as she shooed them both away from her injury.   
  
“I got kicked out by the bouncer, he said that I’d already booked in, despite the fact that, hey, I’m right fucking here” At this response, neither girl seemed, surprised, which made Akko’s bullshit meter go off, more so, Diana folded her arms and looked at a now nerves and fidgeting Amanda. ”The fuck did you do?”   
  
“Well, you see, funny story, you see...” Amanda stumbled onto her own words as she reached into her much cleaner suit pockets and plucked forth the Japanese girl’s ID and mobile, causing Akko’s mind to tick over from confused to absolutely livid as her maw winded like a hungry fish.   
  
“YOU..YOU…, I DON’T KNOW WHAT EXACTLY YOU THINK YOU WERE TRYING TO DO” Akko huffed, to which, Diana decided to step in, as she’d rather not see either girl receive an injury or more, she’d rather not Akko receive any more injury, feeling a slight amount of shame and guilt for the cut to her cute little Japanese flower’s cheek, Japanese flower, oh good heavens, Diana, focus.   
  
“If I may, despite your friends, downright moronically incomprehensibly simple-minded, nay, woefully ignorant..”   
  
“You're enjoying this” Amanda added   
  
“...actions, she did have some good nature to them, she was looking out for you,” Diana told Akko, as she placed her hand on the Japanese girl’s other cheek. “She thought I was some fiend who was going to take you a way to do all manner of ill to you” Diana’s tone, coupled with her hand rested upon Akko’s face, not to mention that piercing gaze made the young, very inexperienced Japanese girl begin to fluster like a robin’s breast.   
  
“N-no, we wouldn’t want that.”   
  
“Would we not?” Diana asked, seemingly surprising herself as she struggled to suppress the hammering in her chest, meanwhile, Akko herself just seemed to be left speechless, if not a silly smile plastered across her face as she and Diana leaned into on another, which triggered Amanda to be, once again the resident cockblock, as she forcefully parted the two.   
  
“Maybe dinner before sex?” The American ‘suggested’ as the two pushed themselves further, Akko leaning back into her drink of... water, right, fuck. And Diana started to wrap her hair into her finger.   
  
“D-don’t be absurd, we’d never do something so p-publicly, now, if you kindly leave” Diana extended her hand to Akko, who took it without hesitation, allowing herself to be willing to lead from the barstool to Diana’s side. “We have a dinner reservation and you are NOT invited”

  
Amanda felt she didn’t need to add any more as the two left her sight, only glad she didn’t fuck it up any further. Meanwhile, after making their way from bar to restaurant and explaining the confusion with the bouncer, with a pointed reprimand with his treatment of Akko, the two settled at their table, eager to begin this relationship properly, if not a pause for Akko, who had to ask.   
  
“Okay, but, are you actually a multi-billionaire of a pharmaceutical company?” She questioned with absolute honesty, despite the lavish setting, which resulted in a not so refined laugh from Diana. Maybe it was the ordeal of the day? Maybe it was just the question of catching her off guard, but after an absolute precious pout from the woman Diana, by now, was considering making her wife, she responded.   
  
“Akko, I am going to enjoy every bite of this meal and if it pleases you, afterwards, I’d like to enjoy every bite of you, in my very expensive apartment that I bought with my pharmaceutical company, does that answer your question?”   
  
“H-hai.”


End file.
